Maryang Palad

Maryang palad, Maryang palad, Kantot ng mga dukha! Dukha ka pa bang Matatawag Kung ang ari mo Ang ari ko, At ari niya At ari nating lahat?

Malanding Pussy

Liyad ng liyad ang Siamese Cat naming si Ming Ming Nyaw habang nanunuod ng Koreanovela sa desktop ang pamangkin kong si Iggy. Naglalandi ang pusa ng kapatid ko tuwing nakikita ang pamangkin konsa hindi maipaliwanag na kadahilanan. Akmang magpapakamot ang pusa na gulong nang gulong at liyad nang liyad sapaanan ng pamangkin ko, sanhi para ito damputin ng binata at pagbigyan sa pagkamot. Animong bangkay na pusa ang bet ni Ming Ming, habang parang bimpo lang paghinawan ng malalaking kamao ni Iggy ang katawan ng pusa. Maya maya ay napahiyaw sa pandidiri ang pamangkin ko. Kiniskis daw ng pusa ang kanyang likuran at puwerta sa braso nito... and OMg, she's wet. Bumunghalit sa katatawa ang mga tao sa kuwarto, mula sa kapatid ko hanggang sa nanay ko. Malakas na sadya daw ang sex appeal niya, pero sa mga hayop. Di bale, next month ibibili na namin si Ming Ming ng partner. Para happy pussy na siya.

In Slow Cooking Heat

I celebrated my birthday in slow cooking heat.

The thing with the heat thesedays,is that it's not like when you're at the beach, and you're in danger of the sun burning your skin, because it is aimed at you so acutely and in full blast, there is no time for my allergies to react to that. But this time, I noticed being submerged in my own heated space in a period of time, with the temperature slowly rising, and the air pressure slowly increasing.... It feels like you're skin is slowly broiled.

Broiled is an accuarte term to whatmy skin looks like at themoment. It's triggered one of my deeply hidden allergies I haven't confronted for years. Skin Asthma.

Worse, I tend to scratch it even in my sleep. I work at nights, you see, so I sleep during the day---yes, when the heat slowly cooks you until the afternoons.

I have even installed curtains, and--- well, inadvertedly tore off a door in my frustration against the heat.

It is unbearable, and an added stress to my already stressfull life. I really wish for rain, and I swear I will bathe in the first real outpour of rain.

They say, the prickly heat you earned all summer can be cured by the first rain of may, called la agua de mayo.

It also doesnt help that Solaris One has such a crappy airconditioning system. It is so hot, my allergies break out even at work.

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Please Be Careful with my Heart

I don' t really follow this series that often, nor could I, because I work during the evenings, and sleep until noon. Apart from the fact I don't have a TV in my apartment because I consider TV a waste of time and electricity really. I had a TV once and I ended up hooked to some shows that I really hadn't slept much or gotten to work on time. TV is a BAD INFLUENCE.

When Please Be Careful with my Heart aired first time, the first impression I had was, "Dear God, not another kilig show," but I've noticed, a few points why I think it's a lot better than all of these other telenovelas.

IT'S LESS STRESSFULL.
All of these other Telenovelas and series feature twins separated from birth, then fighting each other, a trend so powerful even Darna and Valentina became twins at one time. The term is gasgas, and tired. The bulk of these shows do not make us laugh, but gather a lot of stress that we hate the antagonist too much. I was witness at one point when my mom's blood pressure shot up just by watching a very confronting scene from a telenovela.

Then these bastards switch to a commercial to ensure you of a heart attack.

We still have commercials on this show, but the values are eminent everyday. There are no vampires, no conglomerates taking over companies, no hateful siblings, no disasters, well not unlike the ones you and I experience aeryday in reality anyway. The most comforting part of it is that all of the characters love some other character in a way, whether it's family or a love interest. And the feeling of kilig it brings people is so much better than the stress of hating an arch rival...

IT DOES'NT PROMOTE HATE.
Do you remember Katherine and Scarlett? How about Celina? Oh let's not forget Magkaribal's banters. They are pretty catchy, I loved playing these scenes on YouTube... But really, what message do these rivalries teach us? That it's posh to have an arch rival? That there are more ways to humiliate an opponent? That there isn't such a thing as forgiveness and letting go, unless your lease with the network is over and you have to end the series, and that always, the most satisfactory way of getting over a wrong doing is when the villain dies in the GORIEST, MOST VILE MANNER POSSIBLE.

Truly, that doesnt happen in real life either, you hate, you get an arch rival, yiu both grow old, you both have lives separate from each other, no matter how much you make each other miserable.

You really wanna make an arch rival miserable forever? You marry him. That will surely work.

Again, no arch rivals, not even an other woman, well, not yet, but I'm sure, there isn't any need for that following the plot. It is so family oriented, and values are shown everyday.

POSITIVE CHARACTERS
I like the fact that Maya's character is one that's strong willed, idustrious, yet she is NOT assuming. A lot of characters are a certain mix, charming, weak sometimes, unsure, torn... Maya knows what she wants, and thatenough is conflict, because just like you and me, she can be slightly torn when thinking about the people she loves, but there are no hysterics, no drama, no big shows... everything is just as they would be in real life.

I am not an expert, after all, I watch reruns of this show, or watch them from the web with my sister when I have time. But for a person who never watches TV or believes in most of the junk I watch on it, I highly recommend this fine gem of a show and hope some other network or producers catch on it and see how this type of thing can be better for everybody.

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Mr. Bear

http://instagr.am/p/TDDG9mFjtn/

I look at life this way... Fuzzy, hazy, and half awake...

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The Chronicles of Chelsea Chismosa

Ambata pa niyan Jed. Hehehe

Hyatus ng Palaka

Matagal na ako hindi nakakapag Blog. Alam ko ang iba sa inyo, ang sinasabi, "Buti nga, manahimik ka na lang diyan, putanginang bakla ka."

Yung iba naman, "Ano na kaya ang nangyari kay Palakang Petot?"

At syempre yung iba din naman, "Buhay pa kaya si Palakang Petot?"

Sabagay, sa buhay ng isang palaka, nandiyan ang Dangers of Being a Froglet. Pwede kang maapakan, pwedeng dina dissect ka na sa isang laboratory class ng isang estudyante ng Biology. Pwede ring isang araw, hinahain ka na sa isang Mayamang pranses, dahil ikaw ay isa nang plato ng BUTTERED FROGS LEGS.

At least masasabi ko nang isa akong Yummy na Palaka.

Maraming nangyari sa akin in te past year. Naospital ako for the first time. Hindi mo ko mapapaconfine pero at this point kasi, ikamamatay ko kung hindi ako naconfine.

Maraming haters ng blog ko. Kasi kung anu ano daw ang sinasabi ko sa madrama nilang idol. Paawa effect akala mo king sinong inapi, wala naman akong sinabing hindi totoo. Hindi rin ako naniniwalang may natutunan siya. Hindi naman siya ang nasaktan.

Pero pag namatay ako, lalabas lahat ng katotohanan, maging ang mga bagay na hindi ko maaaring sabihin pa sa mga panahong ito.

Saka ka lamang magsisisi, Kulas.

Borta

BORTA ang tawag sa bading na Anlaki laki n katawan pero kahit anong tanggi, iling o pagsisinungaling ang gawin mo, bading pa din siya. Gaano man kalaki ang mga masel niya, o kahugis ng kargador ang kaha niya, gabinti mo man ang braso niya, at ga troso na ang mga binti niya, basta't bumuka ang kanyang mga mapupulang labi at nagsalita, kulang na lang ay nakalulon siya ng mahiwagang bato at nasigaw ng, "BORTA!!"   (at mala Regine Velasquez ito, na kahit impit ang boses, ay galing sa diaphragm)

Madaming bading ang nagkakandarapa sa mga BORTA, at marami din naman ang nandidiri. Biruin m,o kalaki-laki ng katawan, naggi-gay lingo. Anlaki-laki ng braso, pag nakakita ng amiga, kekendeng-kendeng pa at bebeso'ng nakausli ng pwet na parang BIBE. 

Kung hindi ka na mapatuwad-maluka-matumba.

Bakit baliw na baliw tayo sa mga Borta kahit alam natin na mukha silang TOP ay mga berdaderang BOTTOMESA sila? Kadalasan nga sa kanila sa gym nagsisitambay kasi nga gusto magpalaki ng katawan para patulan ng m,ga Om. Patay tayo dyan kung pareho silang BORTA.

Imagine mo naman ganito kaguwapo, papasukan mo ng mhaba at mainit na ari sa likuran niya? At magugustuhan niya?

Now I Remember Why I Don't Like Formspring

It has really poor privacy settings, and awful, ill-mannered people ask you stuff just to illicit a response, just like "Usedtobeasympathizer" they're trippers. He was asking me if he pissed me off, well hell no, you're a faceless, twit. I doubt you ever knew me. You base your knowledge on something written like AGES ago. You don't know the person behind the frog, and you never will.

The fact that you're ACTUALLY ASSUMING "Napuruhan" alo whatever that means is funny.

I'm sorry, but you're thinking of an entirely different person.

Don't Read My Blog if You Don't Have a Sense of Humor

As if you haven't noticed, everything here is sarcastic. There's an ounce of salt, a cup of saffron and a gallon of bitterness in my posts.

Now I haven't written in a while. i'm not in a contest. I write to keep my sanity; what I tell you, is PRIVILEDGED INFORMATION. These are thoughts I have that I don't share in real life. If you think this is some sirt of cult where I am asking for sympathy, thank you very much but I dont need it.

Besides, you usually keep your sympathy to yourselves

Mr-used-to-be-a-sympathizer, for example, feels very much betrayed and angered by a post I made.

First of all, I have no clue who or what you are, so your 'sympathy' doesnt really matter to me. We will never be friends because you read my blog, felt sympathy, then went on with your life.

Instead, the minute I 'disappoint' you, you suddenly felt the urge to be felt!

I suddenly became indebted to your sympathy... That which, should you have made felt instead, would have been able to avert your disappointment.

I think you are funny.

I even wondered if I ever turned you down one time, to feel such hostility over my post. The people whom I spoken against, really deserved it.

Maybe I do too, when you pour your disgust when I said I tried to be a poser, was successful enough, and liked it.

But i can't apologize.

I really liked it when I posed. It felt GOOD.

I don't do it anymore, but whilst I was posing as another person in Grindr, IT FELT AMAZINGLY GOOD.

I have no regrets.

Gooey's Day Off FAIL.

Jamie kept ringing my phone at 3am.

"Where are our friends?!?"

"I dunno. I called Jayvee, Aig and her are going to a wake."

"What wake?"

"Paul's dad died. Huling gabi ngayon."

"Seriously? So sino kasama mo? Where's Jamilla?"

"She's not answering her phone. Someone was ringing me, but when I called back, there was this wierd ringback,"

"So where are you?"

"I went home. I charged my pod, I fell asleep."

"You're not going out?" she asked with a sad voice.

I made that sound I do when I'm not sure what to say, "Mmnn, nah. I tried my luck at B Side, I got bored.

The truth of the matter was, I planned to go out. I vowed myself I'd party this ONE REST DAY I have, eventhough it's a Sunday.

I even went to the parlor and had what's left of my hair trimmed; I went to the laundromat to collect BOTH my clothes and Jamie's.

I frikin' got my bald head shampooed at the parlor. I WAS PREPARED.

And come 11:00pm, I was at KFC.

I remember staring at this cute daddy, thinking, 'are those all his kids? He must be so yummy that hia wife let him fuck her all that much... And such rich sperm!'

Mmmm mmm mmm mmmm.

Fuck nuts, I wanted to party.

I thought of calling Jamilla coz we planned to go to Sensation. But hey, the phone just simply rang. So I texted Jamie. I called Jayvee.

She was in the office, hanging out with Aighel. I could hear his calls.

They couldn't go out; they were going to a wake after his shift.

I was torn.

Monster ain't able to party with his friends. I wanted to go to Malate. Theguys there let me grope them on the dance floor. There might be action.

Then I realised, I just git pickpocketed there last week; This group of boys surrounded me and pinched my wallet; Had I not taken one of the boys and held him until they spit the wallet out, I would have lost my IDs.

The wallet was returned empty, but all my cards were there. They all ran away.

I wasn't going to go there alone.

I went to B Side, but realised, fucknuts, every single guy was either straight, taken, or annoyingly conceited. Loved the music though, they had torches. (i was like, "ooohhh, fire...")

Then my ipod drained.

I wasn't going to stay there with no one to talk to, and nothing to play with (figuratively and literally intended), so I went home to charge my shit.

I intended to go back, but my melancholy got to me.

You see, if I weren't the only single person in my circle of friends, I wouldn't have such a hard time hunting for a good time on my rest day. People stay in when they're a couple.

Heck, Jayvee was hanging out in te LAST place you'd wanna hang out on your rest day --- the office, with Aighel, and she doesn't mind.

I drew a face on my pillow so there's a face on it when I cuddle it.

It was HORRIBLE going back to the apartment. I felt DEFEATED.

I felt like a fisherman who went out to sea to catch fish, and there weren't any. Or a wolf who couldn't hunt.

I woke up from a call on my phone. It was Jamie.

"oh ok, I'm coming home, then, if you're not gonna drink."

A few minutes later, she was knocking on the door. She bought ice cream and demanded we wake Rachel and Leigh upstairs.

We found out Mattex had come back from CDO. We ate the ice cream Jamie bought.

"Go get yourself a boyfriend, Gooey."

I was rolling my eyes, thinking, "HOW?!?"

"You need a boyfriend."

I didn't reply. She finished her icecrean and crawled on Mattex' bed. Soon she was snoring.

She's atill there as I'm writing this.

And so touched I have friends like her, Cojo reminded me on my Facebook wall I have amazing friends... I can always crash Rache's and Mattex' pad anytime.

But yeah. Gooey needs a boyfriend.

Or at least get laid on his days off.

2012

Excited na ako sa kalalabasan ng taon na ito. This is one of the most awaited years in history. Kagaya ng 1984 na nobela ni HG Wells, kung saan dinescribe niya kung ano malamang ang buhay natin nung panahon na iyon. Madami sa hula niya ay tama. Kagaya ng year 2000, kung saan naranasan nating tatlo ang zero sa taon, at marami ang nagsasabing End of the World na.

Pero kakaiba ang 2012. Ilang libong taon nang hinihintay ang taon na ito. Ito ang katapusan ng Mayan Calendar. Ito rin daw ang katapusan ng mundong alam natin.

Madami ang nagsasabi'ng hindi naman daw katapusan ng mundo ang 2012. Ito daw ay RENEWAL.

Marami sa ating mga pananaw at kalinangan ang magbabago, dahilan kung saan lahat ng alam natin noon ay magwawakas.

I know right?

Bigyan ko na ba kayo ng shovel para hukayin ang ibig kong sabihin?

Hehehe.

Ganito kasi iyon: ang mundo ay madumi na. Madami nang tao, madami nang hayop, madami nang lumaspag dito. Imaginin mo naman ang isang babaeng ni rape ng isanglibong construction workers.

Sandali lang, nag iimagin pa ko. Andaming construction workers nun. Nomnomnomnom...

Ang una niyang gagawin ay MALILIGO.

Nakapanood na kayo ng mga rape victims sa pelikula? Yung matapos siya pagsamantalahan, o makipag sex sa lalaking ayaw nila, magkukulong sa banyo, bubuksan ang shower, at magkukuskos ng magkukuskos? Tapos iiyak?

"Ang dumi dumi ko!"

"Hindi maalis ang dumi niya sa akin!"

I know, madrama right?

Sa kagustuhan mong luminis, kailangan mong iwan ang maraming bagay.

Kailangan mong kalimutan.

Kahit mahal mo pa siya.

Kung sinisira ka ng isang bagay na mahal mo, kailangan mo nang tigilan itong mahalin.

Kailangan iwan mo na siya.

At karaniwan, ang sakit na mararamdaman mo dahil doon, ang pakiramdam mo ay ito na ang Katapusan ng Mundo.

Ang hindi mo alam, kapag nagawa mo na ito, ito rin ang simula ng mas magagandang mga bagay para sa iyo.

Happy New Year 2012

My first post for 2012.

2012 is so wierd. It doesnt feel like a new year at all.

Ayala wasn't as filled up as before. Lotsa white people, lotsa mediterranean guys, but where are the locals? And almost every other person brought his dog?!?

Are we ever so lonely that animals will start to take the place of our loved ones?

I was staring at the floating lanterns (parang Rapunzel lang, without hair) and the fireworks, and I thought, "Fine, you're not the only lonely person, at least in Makati."

And when I came back home to Mayapis, I saw all my neighbors outside. I saw where all the people were.

They were home.

They were with friends.

They were with family.

If it's true that this year is the last, I may have spent my last new year alone.

Fuck you, Mr. Right. You weren't here again.

Totoo Kaya Ito?

Lukas Pascual
So callboy ka pala talaga kasi may naka chat ako sa Grindr eto sabi:

Pokpok ka daw at may jowa ka sa Mandaluyong. Ayoko sana maniwala pero ikaw daw yun e. Sana sinabi mo na lang binayaran na lang kita para kantutin.

Gago ka, ginalang galang pa kita, AMBABOY mo pala.

Ang Kagilagilalas na Pakikipagsapalaran ng Isang Poser

Masarap pala maging isang Poser.

May tumatawag sa iyo na "Baby," "hotstuff," "asawa ko," at kung anu ano pang pet name.

Hindi bro, hindi tol, hindi "hoy."

Nagkakandarapa sila makipagkita sa iyo. Nagmamakaawa silang kausapin mo sila.

Sa buong stay ko sa Grindr, ngayon lang ako inabutan ng lowbatt kaka grind. Pota, na late pa nga ako dahil naaaliw ako sa mga messages e.

Oo nanloloko ako ng mga tao.
Oo ineexpose nila ang mga sarili nila sa akin.

Pero that is sooo much better than all these fucking years staring at all those closed doors.

Bigla bigla, may susi ka.

Bigla bigla, binubuksan nila para sa iyo.

Alam mo'ng hindi talaga para sa iyo yun, but what's a little mistaken identity?

Walang galang galang sa taong gutom.

Magagalit ka ba? E hindi naman ako magkakaganito kung pinagbigyan man lang ako ng kahit isang putanginang nilalang na mahalin man lang ako pabalik?

I am a Monster. Yes I am.

But monsters create monsters. Hindi nanganganak ng pusa ang isang aso. Ang HALIMAW, ILULUWAL DIN NG ISA PANG HALIMAW.

May mga times na may nag confront sa akin, tanong bakit ako ganun. Alam mo, hindi naman nila ako makukumbinsi sa mga dahilan nila, e. E putangina, sa maghapon ba naman ako online, may magmemessage sa iyo na IISANG tao, pag naghanap pa ng ibang pic, effort ka pa hanap ng magandang shot di ba... Tapos hindi ka trip.

O kaya yung hingi ng hingi ng pic, hingi ng hingi... Naghihintay lang magbigay ka ng pic na hindi maganda anggulo.

Putangina di ba?

Yang mga "sana ok ka na soon"

GAGO KA BA?

Kung jowain mo na lang ako?

Yun lang naman makakapagpatigil sa akin sa posing e.

Kapag nahanap ko na ang taong magmamahal sa akin pabalik.

At alam ko wala sa Grindr yun. Good luck naman.

My Life as a Poser

I have a Grindr account. I put my best most recent photograph on it and update it everyday. I get a few comments now and then, but ive only met 2 people in my entire stay; and no sex, no 2nd dates. (although I'd love to)

One day, this schmück with a torso pic messaged me after I said hi or hoy, a typo:

I was devastated. I always thought i was less attractive; but I believed what my friends keep telling me: "IT'S THE PERSONALITY THAT COUNTS, GOOEY"

And I believed that. I get loads of friends with that belief. FRIENDS, YES. BOYFRIENDS, NO.

Apparently, still, and it is a rule of engagement in the animal kingdom to look attractive for you to gain a mate.

Walang hayop sa balat ng lupa ang magsasabi ng katulad ng kanta ni Andrew E. Na HUMANAP KA NG PANGET. E putangina naman e, si Andrew E hindi naman panget ang napangasawa, lahat ng kanta niya tungkol sa magaganda at seksing babae e. Niloloko nyo lang ako e.

Everything started flooding back; I was in Bulacan all over again, felt ugly and unwanted and all that shit; I felt like killing myself and all the response I ever got was, "You're so nega."

I closed down my own Grindr account.

So there I was, sulking and grumbling for a day and a half. I hated my looks I hated how I sounded; how thinning my hair was; how crooked my teeth were; and I rembered someone I hated because he had all that--- he can get away with being an asshole becaue of his looks.

I rummaged my Picasa® and downloaded a lot of old photos Ive saved.

I redownloaded Grinder and created a new account.

Violá.

I've become a poser.

They showed me their face pictures, theur naked shots, their dick pics, pics with cum, they gave me their numbers, their addresses, their HIV statuses. Everything.

These people wouldn't have given me the time of day jad I provided them my real picture. Heck, between the identity I took and my own identity, i received 300% more messages than I would by being perky.

And perky is tiring!

I didn't need to be nice or sensitive because they thought I was attractive. They found me sexy so they didn't take offense at my being forward.

Seriously, if you have a pretty face, people are MUCH MUCH NICER. this guy has a very depressing profile page in FB, if i wrote that much negativity on my page i'd ibstantly get disses like, "GROW UP." or "YOU'RE SO NEGA."

But this guy posts his problems on his page(he's bipolar. I knew him) and people send out their love.

Like, it's discriminatory.

Like this son of a bitch will care.

And people will usually say, "oh it's just you.

EXACTLY. It's me, so I won't be me. You can get what you want an I can get a little bit of what I want pretending to be someone else.

I've never had so much fun chatting as myself; I simply show another photo and pretend and violá, better treatment. Just loke getting a fake diploma and transcript or license from RECTO. You suddenly can.

Thing is, people who wouldnt show you their faces will OFFER their photos for you to respond to them. It's wierd. I felt like im switching from economy to business class.

It was UNREAL.
Literally and figuratively.

And I do it so well. I told soneone this wasnt me on the profile abd he wouldnt believe me.

He set up to meet with me today and didn't notice me so I left. Knowing that I told him my true identity and even showed him a photo of my ugly mug, I asked him why he stood me up. He said he didnt and really wanted to see me.

Apparently to him, GOOEY was the made-up character.

I used to ABHOR posers. We treat them like cockroaches, feeding on other people's identities and getting what tey want.

Actually they don't.

They can't meet up.
They can't reveal themselves.
They can't have sex even if they really really like the person they're talking to.

IT'S REALLY THE RESPECT THEY COULDN'T HAVE BECAUSE WE ARE ALWAYS INCLINED TO BE NICER TO NICER LOOKING PEOPLE.

Why not look nice?

Well some people like me can't fake it. We look this way because people keep reminding us that we do. There are days like Valentines, Christmas, New Year, etc, where all of our married and hitched up friends stay with their other halves, and we single folks try to come up with the best diversion so we dont notice it.

Society--- The gay community in particular puts BEAUTY is such a high pedestal that nothing else matters.

This guy is ENTIRELY RIGHT: