Teteng Tigasin

Nag iinit na naman ang pakiramdam ko. Madaling mag init ang ulo ko. Ayokong nabibitin kasi. Tangina bakit kasi ang daming gwapo sa paligid? Ultimo makaamoy lang ako ng sariwang pawis ng lalaki, tumu-togoinks na si chenelyn gargles ko. Jutanginang jijiera tong jutotoy na itey! Kalerki ever, pramis! (translatioon: tanginang titi ito, tigas na lang palagi!)

Ang problema nito, walang reliever ang sundalo ko. Kelangan na niya ng masahe. Kelangan niya ng tender loving touch na may kasamang Johnsons Baby Oil o KY Jelly. Kelangan niyang sumabog, magkalat at lumura, kelangan niyang maligo sa sariling katas at saka pa lamang siya matutulog ng mahimbing.

Kakaibang Katol

Nag outing ang team namin nung isang araw.

Plastado ako'ng nahiga ng kama kahapon pagkagaling sa Muning Buhangin, Batangas. Pagod ako pero masaya. Ang tulog lamang na nagawa ko ay nung nasa sasakyan na ako pauwi'ng Bulacan. Sinimulan ko'ng isulat itong blog entry na ito, pero nakatulugan ko din. Paggising ko, hindi ko pala naisara ang facebook ko at twitter, sandamakmak na "gising ka pa ba?" at "Nasaan ka na?" ang natanggap ko.

Masaya. Sobrang saya ng grupo'ng ito. Gabi pa lamang ng abente-dos ay maingay na kami sa sasakyan habang papunta sa Batangas. Napag usapan ang kakaibang kulit ng kasamahan naming si Paolo. Biro ko nga, KAKAIBANG KATOL ang tinitira ng taong ito.

Sample ng kakaibang katol na gamit ni Paolo. Siya yung naka pula.

Matagal ko nang na witness ang kakaibang katol na ito. Pitong taon na ang nakakalipas, kasama ko din si Pao sa ibang kumpanya.

Sagu-Sago'ng Sarap.

PARENTAL ADVISORY: Ang susunod na blogelya ay naglalaman ng mga temang hindi angkop para sa mga bata. Kung nakikita ninyo silang nagbabasa nito, PATNUBAY ay KINAKAILANGAN , kung HIN|DI NAMAN, GO, TOTOY/INENG , Huwag pakainosente, ALAM KONG ALAM NA NINYO ITO.

 Dalawang linggo na ako'ng walang pahinga. 3 hours and 6 minutes sa isang linggo o higit pa ako mag overtime, at kapag Rest Day ko kuno, nag-aalaga ako ng mga dambuhalang bata. Kumusta naman ang buhay hindi ba? Wala ka na nga'ng putanginang sex life sa loob ng kalahating dekada, kahit pa pagbabate, pinagkaitan ka.

Sinasabi ko sa inyo, PARUSA makasabay ng gwapo sa sasakyan. Baka mamaya, tigasan ako, tapos kandong ko pa ang bag ko na may NAKANGANGANG bunganga (si Domo kasi ang bag ko. Kung hindi ninyo alam ang itsura ni Domo, click here. )

 Minsan naiisip ko manghipo sa MRT. Pero 2 lang ang kahihinatnan kasi nun: mahuli ako o majombag ako. Bakit, ikaw, ano gagawin mo kapag bigla ka hinipuan ng lalaki sa MRT?

Men Who Fall From Grace

I know he's not perfect.

He wants to be perfect. He wouldn't have fallen of he didn't try climbing. It means he has dreams. It means he wanted to be somewhere seen.

I know he will try again. He will climb, and he will fall... And I want to catch him every time and heal his wounds until he's ready to climb again. Each time he climbs, he will look like a lion, fierce, fearless and mad with passion. And for each fall, I cradle him like a lost lamb, vulnerable, easy, gentle and needing...

Kevin Smith: Chubby Chubby, Cute Cute!

My ultimate man-crush is KEVIN SMITH. Now nevermind about the SUMPA-thing... it doesn't work for celebirties. So I can say who my celebrity crushes are. Anyway, hindi ko naman mamimeet most of them, e, hehehe.

Who the hell is Kevin Smith?!?!?

OMG. Hindi mo kilala si Kevin Smith? You haven't seen Chasing Amy, Mall Rats or Dogma? Click on the links, para naman makarelate ka sa mundo ko, ano? Kung tamad ka namang magki-click ng links, eto na, ipapakilala ko na nga sa inyo ng kaunti. Yan din ang lam,an ng link na nilagay ko sa taas. (Josko, katamad).  Kevin Smith is a screenwriter, film producer, and director, as well as a popular comic book writer, author, comedian, podcaster, actor, and story-teller, best recognized by viewers as Silent Bob. He is also the co-founder, with Scott Mosier, ofView Askew Productions and owner of Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash comic book and novelty store in Red Bank, New Jersey. He also hosts a weekly podcast with Scott Mosier known as SModcast. Smith is well-known for participating in long, humorous Q&A sessions that are often filmed for DVD release, beginning with An Evening with Kevin Smith. 




Pero love ko talaga ito'ng si Silent Bob. He's one of the first people I followed on Twitter. You see. SUPER weakness ko sa isang guy na chubby, pero gwapo. Kaya dalhin ang sarili, nakakatuwa, FUNNY, charismatic ang personality and witty.  Yes, I don't mind the muscle guys out there, but of course, who doesn't want a big hunk piece of meat, di ba? Yung tipong muscle, kahit saan! Tangina, sarap nun. yung mga bilog na bilog ang pwet, ang dibdib, walang tiyan, V-tapered ang likod (para kunportableng ilingkis mo sa baywang niya ang legs mo habang iniiyot ka niya --- yes, that's why it's sought-after)

But nothing really beats my attraction to cute bears. Cute bears with great minds, mind you.

Not as Romantic as I thought

I wanted to celebrate my blog's 100th entry by saying "I love you" in different languages. Pero tulad ng dati... Nagbackfire na naman, Hindi pala lahat ng languages, maganda pakinggan ang "I love you." |Nevertheless, I decided to tell you guys I love you in 100 languages.

Here it goes:

There's a Hole in My Soul

I stare blankly into nothingness.

I take time eating my breakfast and smoking the first cigarette of the day. I quietly close the lid on my notebook and head upstairs for a shower. I stare in the bathroom mirror as it fogs up. I lather myself up and rinse. I towel off and head back to my room to dress up.

As I gather all my things for work, I take a look at the time. I have to leave 2-3 hours early to get to work on time. Travel takes 4-6 hours of my life each day. I spend 9 or so hours on the office, and I sleep an average of 5-6 hours a day, leaving me 5-6 hours for myself.

Clock ticks. I spend that amount of time sparingly on the internet, speaking with the ghosts of my friends, whom of which, are too busy to personally spend time with me, just as much as I am too busy to spend time with them.

I don't have much friends at work. I don't have the luxury of going out. I drag myself out of the house to try watch a movie alone, or to buy myself something in the mall.

I dread travelling alone. I see people who travel with friends, with their significant others, and it hurts. It hurts to see people with lives. It hurts to hear them, see them, and feel their presence.

I used to pride myself in maintaining a job, which, at least I have. but it isn't going anywhere. 5 years in the same industry and I was only close to getting the job I want twice.

I have no one except this blog to tell about my day, and tell anyone how i feel. there are things you do not tell your family, if you know what I mean. There is no one to hold hands with at the moment you feel so scared.

I hated valentines day. you couldn't get away from it. I wanted to stay at home for weeks just to avoid that date. It arrived, just as well, and I am pissed off.

I simply dread seeing that relationship icon on facebook. "In a relationship with," "engaged to," "married to..." If It werent unfair, I'd erase all non-single friends.

Says who, facebook?

Except all of my friends are not single.

Yes. I AM THE ONLY ONE.

And I hate it.

I can create a list that will turn into one of those booklets on how people are mean in the internet, or how hard it is for someone to find anyone. And I blame it on economy.

Ron you're crazy. What does the economy have to do with it?

Everything!

People just like me, have very little time but go online to get a life. You spend 20 hours a day just going through the motion of it. And there is only but a small part to become human. You push through crowds to get to work on time, you struggle at work to kep your job, and you're too exhausted to analyze everything when you get home.

I meant it when i said I haven't felt human in A VERY LONG TIME. And there is a hole in my soul no merchandise I can buy with my salary can patch up.

I am not a robot. Companies hire people for the purpose of personalizing their services, but as soon as they hire PEOPLE, they start treatng them like robots. I don't get it.

Doesn't it make sense to you that as much reason as we cannot make a machine act the same way as a human being, that we cannot make a human being act like a machine? It is the single, most absurd observation I have seen in the corporate world.

There is even a billboard in EDSA that says "We don't hire robots"

But you make people act like robots once they're hired. Long gaps between breaks, fluctuating schedules, herculean tasks and near impossible deadlines, that only machines will survive. And in between, you have to perform.

There is a hole in my soul. I don't knnow how to patch it up.

The Aftermath of The Worst Day of the Year

At sana naman, tapos na ang sandamakmak na pagpo-post ng mga apps na yan. I swear, virus yan e. Pati ba naman mga taong hindi ko naman kakilala nakikita ko'ng may valentines gift app, video, o ano pang kachorvahan ng mga froglets sa facebook.

Kahapon ay Valentines Day/Chinese New Year.



Pero nanaig pa rin ang kachorvahan ng mga hearts-hearts day na yan. O sige bitter na kung bitter, ang ginawa ko, ginreet ko yung 2nd account ko ng Happy Vlentines Day. Tutal, nakalagay naman dun sa status ko, "In a Relationship ako with that other account e. Binago ko na lang name ko dun para hindi masyadong wierd.

Nagpost ako ng blog sa isa kong blogelya, click here. Wait kayo, mamaya meron na namang bago.

Sari-sari na naman ang mga kachorvahan, kabaliwan at pauso ng mga froglets sa araw ng mga puso. May mga magkaterno na naman sa kalsada. May mga bitbit na naman mga bouquet. Madami na namang lumalabas-pasok sa mga Motel (pun extremely intended), thius mahirap na namang kumuha ng taxi kagabi.



Marami na namang tao sa malls. Maraming naglakwatsa, nakipagdate, at pagpatak ng dilim, tahimik ang mga kalsada. Sa mga kuwarto nila, hindi tahimik.



Pero ang araw ko, walang pinagbago. Pumasok ako ng araw ng linggo, understaffed, queueing pag gabi. May request pa ng OT samantalang 6 days n nga ang sked ko. Ni hindi ko marreplyan ang mga kaibigan ko sa cellphone, at nagtetext. Pumasok sa trabaho nang nag-iisa, at umuwi sa bahay nang nag-iisa.

Pagkahiga sa kama. tulog.



3years is a very long time. very long indeed.

In a Relationship with...

People kinda wince down when they see the "In a relationship" Status on My facebook page. Not because they were hoping I was single so they can ask me out or something, but when they click on the name of the "person" I have a "relationship" with, they get to the page of my 2nd facebook account.

Yes, people, I am single. And no, I don't have dementia or heberphrenic schizophrenia.

It is a statement.

It is a statement that I am happily into a relationship with myself and I am not simply putting up with being single, nor am I compensating on my lack of relationship thereof.

I believe, that when you have the LUXURY--yes it is a luxury, my dear friends-- of having enough love to spend for yourself and anyone else, spend love on yourself first.

So, Okaaay... a 2nd facebook account with a matching relationship status with it is unconventional... and a little bit forbidding to possible mates... But hey, it creates a sort of "cheap thrill" doesn't it? You're flirting with a guy in a relationship! (gasp)

Of course some people might get the wrong first impression, but hey, who wants friends who judge you at first sight?

I'm sticking to my relationship status: In a Relationship with myself.

Ain't nothing too bad about it, and I think people should respect that I am resolute to that particular status until I am ready to take it on with another person.



Okaaay, now?

Isa Akong Dambuhalang Iyakin

Oo, isa akong dambuhalang iyakin. At take note, hindi mo ako makikitang umiyak ni patak in public. Ugali kong hiyain ang sarili ko sa kakangawa in my own little loneliness.

Swerte ka pag nakita mo ako'ng lumuha.

Sabi nga sa mga James Bond movies, "Never let them see you bleed."

And always have an escape plan. Kaya kapag feel ko na na hindi ko na mapipigilan ang Niagara Falls, e-exit na ako na mala-stealth, ninja ini, bago pa kayo makakita ng umiiyak na Shrek.

At take note, hindi mo ako mapapaiyak ng uber-mega-extra-to-the-max-powerful drama. Pagtatawanan ko lang ang mga "Oo, ate," at mga "Magdusa ka" moments. Napapaiyak ako ng mga simpleng bagay. Napanood sa commercial, (oo, mga putanginang TVCs na yan, anlakas magpaiyak!) katulad na lamang ni Gina--hindi, karen po... pesteng lolo yan, palagi na lang akong pinapaiyak... eto nga, hiindi ko pa mandin napapanood, naaalala ko pa lang, naluluha na naman ako. Yang Lucky Me commercial na "Never say die! Tomorrow is another day!" Tanginang bata yan, umpisa pa lang ng shots, naiiyak na ako pag nakikitang umiiyak sya dahil hindi nasali sa basketball team... (may uniform pa naman siya.) Naalala ko, hindi rin nila ako pinapasali sa mga laro dati.

Meron ding mga kanta na sobra kung magpaluha sa akin.

Noong una kong narinig ang "Tulog na" by Sugarfree, hindi ko siya makanta ng derecho. Paano tuwing kakantahin ko siya naiimagine ko na may kumakanta sa akin nun, naiiyak ako (kahit ako lang naman ang kumakanta sa sarili ko).

Pinapatugtog dati ng ex ko para sa akin yung "You'll Be Safe Here" ng RiverMaya. Lagi akong naiiyak lalo na ngayon kasi he did not make me feel safe at all.

Ang mega blockbuster na nagpapaiyak sa akin ay ang Disney song na "Someone's Waiting For You." Powerful yang kantang yan. Kailangan iwasan sa mga record bar, at never ninyong ipapadedicate sa radyo. Promise.

Pero, iniisip ko, bakit ba ako napapaiyak ng mga ekesan at mga kantang ito? may common denominator ba silang lahat? May kinalaman ba ito sa aking past lahat niyan?

Una, hindi naman mababaw talaga luha ko. I'm sure, pag may nagtry na paiyakin ako ngayon na sinabi ko sa inyo ang "Kryptonite" ko, hindi ninyo ako mapapaiyak. Pero kapag nag iisa na ako, at biglang nagplay ang any of the aforementioned audios and videos... ay, putangina. Niagara falls itechiwa.

Kayo, ano'ng tingin ninyo?

PS:  tanginang B;log episode ito, maikli naman pero ang tagal ko isulat, paano bawat kabit ko ng link, nagpi-play yung video or song, naiiyak ako, kainis!

Samahang Malalamig ang Pasko

Last year, may friend ako'ng nag-create ng group sa Facebook.

You guessed it, "Samahang Malalamig ang Pasko."

This year, malamig pa rin ang pasko ko, pero ang pasko niya, hindi na. I was kinda sad nung nalaman ko'ng hindi na siya single. I was contemplating something loong after nanlamig na sa akin ito'ng taong ito.

Yep, he made it sa list ng "Ones Who Got Away."

Well, not really. If you were looking for companionship, he's gonna be the right one for you. If you wanna be a bit more stable than most guys I know, perfect, the guy had businesses. Caring, check, sweet, yeah.

I didn't like how he was depressed at times, but hey, I'm depressing too... Which kinda makes it more reason not to be together...

Anyway, here I am. I'm kinda lost. I've never been this longing for TLC as I ever was in the past 3 years without a partner.

Natatakot na ako sa mga napapantasya ko. (Read http://gooeyboystwistedtales.blogspot.com/) Pagrabe na ng pa-grabe ang mga sexual fantasies ko. Harapan na akong makipagtitigan sa mga nakakasabay ko sa bus at MRT kapag trip ko. Anyway, ang reason ko, "Naiisip naman nila na naiisip ko yun e."

So fuck it.

Tinitingnan ko lang naman e. Pag pumikit na ang mga mata ko, saka na ako nagkakasala. Pagkakasalang ako lang naman ang gagawa, hindi sila kasali kahit sila ang laman ng episode na iyon.

I'm just happy may nakikipag usap pa din sa akin sa FB chat kahit nasasabi ko sa kanila na i like them.

Although asahan mo yun, baka huling beses na nila ako paunlakang makipag usap sa kanila.

Hindi ko pa din matanggal sa alaala ko yung time na natulog ako sa tabi ng pool at inubos ng mga lamok kasi ayaw akong patulugin sa room ng mga babae, at ayaw akong patulugin sa room ng mga lalaki.

At my age, naghahanap pa rin ako ng tatanggap sa akin.

At my age, wala pa din akong peace of mind.

Although mas mahal ko na ang sarili ko. Pucha, ikaw ba naman ang lokohin nang paulit ulit, ke pamilya, syota o kakilala lang. Poprotektahan mo na ang sarili mo kahit papaano. Masyado nang busabos ang puso ko. Sawa na akong inaakusahang madamot o walang pakelam para lang makuha nila gusto nila.

Kelan ko ba huling nakuha gusto ko mula sa ibang tao?

Oo. Wala akong aasahan kundi sarili ko.

Kahit sa sex. Pardon me kung magpapaka sex maniac na naman ako sa sasabihin ko, pero ako lang ang nakakapagbigay ng satisfaction (kung matata-wag mo ngang ganun) sa sarili ko.

Me. Me. Me.

Kung malamig ang pasko mo, bumili ka na lang ng mas magarang jacket. Wala kang kayakap, bili ka ng memory pillow. Better yet, thermal blanket kung malamig talaga. Gusto mo ng kausap? Gawa ka ng sock puppet.

O bili ka ng doll na nagsasalita.

Gusto mo buhay ang nayayakap mo? Bili ka ng aso.

Tutal, ang pera naman ay maamo sa marunong maghawak nito, at at least yun, matututunan... E di padami ka na lang ng pera kesa pipilitin mo ang ibang tao na mahalin ka. Kaya mong bilhin ang serbisyo ng isang tao pero hindi mo mabibili ang katapatan nito.

Ang bitter ng Pasko, ko, oo. Pero nangungulila ako e, and I seem to have an impression that ether nobody cares, or they're even annoyed that I voice it out.

Well I don't care, too. These are MY feelings and it's MY choice how I manifest it. This is sooo much better than taking it on my job and losing it. Kaibigan ko ang trabaho ko. And it is the only thing I have that gives way to things that make me happy.

because money loves me back.

Sabi nila materialistic na daw ako.

Would you blame me? E inanimate objects lang naman ang pwede kong ariin. Wala namang puso na magpapaari sa akin, so what?

Kung hindi naman ninyo ako matutulungan, then SHUT IT. Kung naaasar kayo sa nagiging evolution or devolution ko, then what the heck are you doing?

Seriously.

Would you run up to me and tell me to shut up because you love me and it's not true na walang tao para sa akin kasi nandyan ka?

No you wouldn't.

I'm tired of playing "guess what i'm feeling for you."

People tell me to take risks when I haven't seen anyone take a risk on me.

So why should I be the first one to make the jump? Sawa na akong tumalon finding out walang sasalo.

It won't happen anymore. I promise you that.

Penelope

Now, I haven't seen this movie, but I want to so badly now...

Learn about the movie

It's about this rich girl (Christina Ricci) named Penelope, of course, who's got everything, grace, charm, wealth... and pig's snout and ears. A victim of a curse, the only way to break the it is for one of her kind to accept her for what she is.
The parents begin to think the curse meant that another person from a wealthy clan must fall in love with her, and so the pursuit begins.

In the end, when she almost gets to the point of marrying a wealthy man, she backs out and says she likes herself the way she is.

Which breaks the spell.
A lesson for me. Penelope had the power to release herself from the curse to begin with. She just needed to love herself despite her appearance.

Which is a much better fairytale ending than Beauty and the Beast, which calls for another human being to actually accept and love the monster in you. Or like Cinderella, or Rapunzel, who each needed a prince to save them from their wretchedness.

I think it's cool. And I wanna watch this film if I can find it.
 

Ang Kaban ng Tipan

Sa kalumaan ng baul na iyon, isinilid ko ang aking mga alaala... malulungkot at masasaya. Ang unang ticket ko ng eroplano, ang unang Trade Show, ang unang dula na aking sinulat, mga liham, mga litrato, ang unang pag-ibig (yuck). Sa sala-slansang na mga papel at larawan, mga ticket, susi at maliliit pang bagay.

Ang lumang baul ay dala ko kung saan man ako nakatira. Kasama ko siya nang lumipat ako sa Makati, at kasama ko pa rin siya nang bumalik ako dito sa Bulacan Nang bumagyo at nasalanta kami ni Ondoy, kasama siya sa mga unang nailigtas. Siya ay sisidlan ng aking kaligayahan at kalungkutan, nagpapaalala sa akin ng aking pagkatao. Nagpapatibay ng aking sikmura, nagpalawak ng aking pag unawa, nang mapagpatuloy ang paglalayag sa dagat na kung tawagin ay buhay.

Walang susi ang baul. Matagal nang kinalawang ang kanyang pampinid. Ito na yata ang pinakamatanda sa lahat ng aming lumang kagamitan. Dalawa ang baul... ang mas matanda ay wala na, isa ito'ng halo ng bakal at kahoy. Matagal nang inanay ang baul na iyon, at kinalawang na rin ang bakal na nagdurugtong sa mga ito.

Ang aking baul ay mas payak, isang kahoy na kahon, ngunit akin itong inalagaan. Kada ilang buwan ay pinapahiran ng langis at isang botelya ng Pledge ang aking katuwang. Sa aking paglipat sa Makati, ay bawal siyang buksan ng kahit sino. Nang bumalik ako dito sa Meycauayan ay isa siyang sagradong bagay.

Ako si Moises, at ang aking baul ay ang Kaban ng Tipan.

Parang puso ko... nakapinid, bagama't walang susi. Tulad ng aking baul, laman niya ang napakaraming alaala, mga kaligayahan at kabiguan. Nasasaakin lamang iyon kung may gusto ito'ng kalimutan, o may gusto itong tandaan. Sagrado rin ang aking puso, parang Kaban ng Tipan.

Sino pa ba bukod sa akin ang makakabukas sa Kaban ng Tipan? Kapag ipinakita ko iyon sa iyo, ay iyo na rin ito. Iyon ang hiwaga ng aking puso, ang hiwaga ng aking baul.