Thank You. YOU'RE A BUNCH OF INSENSITIVE FREAKS

Who the hell would comfort you with words like "Pathetic, Impossible, and  Walang  ka nang magagawa?"

May post dati si Kulas Kupaloid na "I want to disappear." Maraming nagcomment. Sari-saring bulaklak ang naialay. Mga comment na, "May maitutulong ba ako?" "Maganda ang buhay. Tara, pag usapan natin iyan." "I want to be your friend."

Naniniwala na ako sa pamahiin: Suot mo ang
singsing ko bago tayo nag away.

Pero pag ako ang nag post ng similar status, I would get "Wala tayo'ng magagawa" "Napaka nega mo," "You're impossible."

Samantalang pag may taong may problema, nakikinig naman ako. Ibinibigay ko sa kanila yung "Tara, pag usapan natin iyan." "May maitutulong ba ako?" At itong si Kulas Kupaloid, miminsan ko lang nahingahan ng problema, "Mag YM ka, wag mo sa FB ilabas yan."

Totoo Ba Yan, Lloydie?

Ang totoo, Mr. John Lloyd Cruz, iniiwan tayo ng mga mahal natin sa buhay kasi nagsasawa sila, o naiirita sila, kasi hindi nila tayo kasing-mahal ng gaya ng pagmamahal na binibigay natin sa kanila. Conditional kasi, e. Matalino ka kaya ka niya gusto kasama, pero naiirita siya sa ngipin mo.

Akala niya sunud-sunuran ka sa mga gusto niya. Kahit may Asperger's syndrome siya o Autistic siya, o may ADHD, o diagnosed na Bipolar siya, susundin mo. Pero the SINGLE MOMENT na sagutin mo siya, paparinggan ka sa mga statuses niya sa FB at gagawing encrypted message sa Blogger.

Apat na taon na akong naghihintay sa "Mas magandang darating na iyan at hindi totoo yan.

Pag dumating, babawiin ko ang sinabi ko, pero right now, eto lang ang masasabi ko: Amargura.

Mu-Ang

Noong panahon ng mga Babaylan at mga Datu, nang ang langit at lupa ay magkaibigan pa, nang ang mga espiritu sa ng tubig, hangin at ng kakahuyan ay tumutulong pa sa mga tao, may isang diyamante na kung tawangin nila ay Mu-Ang. Ito ay pinangangalagaan ng Babaylang si Dayon, ang babaylan ng apoy.

Ang Mu-Ang ay kulay itim sa liwanag at nangniningning na luntian sa kadiliman. Sa liwanag, ito ay kasing lamig ng niyebe, at sa kadiliman nama'y sing init ng nangniningas na baga. Marami na ang nagtangkang makuha ang sikreto ng Mu-Ang, Ngunit ito ay nakatago sa puso ng kagubatan, isinilid sa isang mahiwagang yungib na kung tawagin ay ang Yungib ng Kamunduhan.

Sa loob ng yungib na ito, walang nakakaligtas sa lahat ng uri ng kasalanan. Ayon sa matandang paniniwala, ang sinumang pumasok sa Yungib ng Kamunduhan ay mamamatay. Bawal ipasok sa yungib ang hindi binasbasan ni Babaylan Dayon, at ang makapapasok lamang dito ay ang may busilak na kalooban na hindi magugupo ng Pitong Makamundong Kasalanan (7 Deadly Sins), Poot, Inggit, Libog, Katamaran, Kasakiman, Kapalaluan at Katakawan. Snasabing isa-isa kang aatakihin ng mga pagnanasang ito hanggang ikamatay mo, bago ka pa mandin makarating sa silid ng Mu-Ang.

This clip is lovingly dedicated to Lukas Pascual

My Drawings Kept Me Sane

What else would you do? The last person you trusted played mind games on you, talked on your back and threw countless hurtful words? No friends, stressful home, stressful work... I have my pen, markers and charcoals to provide me the freedom of expression I needed. I was drawing since I was 3.

Where else would I have gone to?

Here, in my own personally crafted universe. No iPhones, no iPads, no Macbooks. No callers. No fat bipolar mind-playing boys who claim they are helpless but uses you as pawn...

Away from you! I will begin with a line from top to bottom...

I am a Comic Book Geek And I Only Realized Just Right Now.

There are absolutely two things I MUST NOT FORGET to write in my profile page when asked of me: One, my favorite writer is Alan Moore, and that I am absolutely addicted to Gengoroh Tagame's artworks. I never really realized it but my favorite films, my taste in lovers... They were all part of this fanaticism I have with these people... And they never really had credit for it. Like, I would, (and most of you would say this as well) try not to be to elitist, too intellectually-sounding (and downright snobbish and unreachable) when I te;ll you these names that the common person will not recognize.

WHO IS ALAN MOORE? My God, you're not one to care who entertains you, are you?

Watchmen. V for Vendetta, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen... Do THEY ring a bell?

This man is absolute eccentricity. He looks like Potemkin and he practices magic,

Daddy Dearest

My Father and I had never gotten along very well while he was alive.

I had always either wanted to be an artist, an advertiser, or a writer. He declined me in every single one of those dreams. You see, he had dreams for me as well. But it was different from mine. I wanted color in my life, he wanted me to become dull and stable.

Every single cell in my body twitched with defiance whenever he gave me a lecture about the practicality of life. The only thing that bonded us was Photography, and even there, we argued. He disliked my still life pictures. He gave me his old SLR when I was 12. I took pictures immediately. We didn't have digital cameras back then. everythiing was film. It was expensive, and every shot was a gamble.

I remember taking pictures of spiders, whilst they were weaving their intricate little homes. I was one just glistening in dew, and the spider was sleeping right in the enter of it. The morning sun was giving it the most exquisite glimmering effect on each bead of dew on the web, and the spider was a little ball of grey in the center of it. I took my picture.

Of ourse, he was furious, and threatened to take the camera away from me."There have to be people in the pictures," he argued, "They have to be looking, they have to be smiling, they have to be in the center of the pictures. I of course,

The Big Bang

It is a widely known fact that I know how to blow a fuse the magnitude of the Big Bang.

It is also an accepted form of behavior to clear away from the crossfire of two firing guns. One alone can kill you; two, will make sure you don't survive. In the past couple of months the absolute selective silence of a certain non-persona (Yimmach Shemo Vezikhro) drove me insanely furious. I have realized, no one really pays attention, until something is clearly blown out of proportion. We don't realize it's actually an earthquake until we realize the fat girl from the office didn't report to work that day, and the building is actually going down.

We don't get up unless the alarm is going (and even that, we ignore) or the stew you were cooking in the kitchen is burnt to a crisp until there is smoke in the house. We

Amazing Things

I have seen amazing things.

This was the thought racing in my mind as I watched a thunderstorm just outside my house, by the gates. I marvelled at the lightshow produced by the bouncing of electrons in the sky. Massive bolts of lightning racing between clouds of dark grey, illuminating a starless, midnight-blue canvass. Each dance of light, revealing the once invisible puffs of clouds, too massive, it surprised you that you did not see them.

In the same spot, some twenty-something years ago, I witnessed an even more amazing thing.

One rainy afternoon, I was 10 or 12, I was watching the thunderstorm as I was tonight, when a bolt of lightning hit the ground 3 meters away from me. It was the most magnificent bomb I have ever felt. My hair literally stood on end, as the impact blew a gust of warm wind and debris against me. The light was blinding, I could hardly see anything after it left a crater half a foot wide and a few inches deep.

Master of the Universe.

He-Man is just about the gayest 80's superhero I could remember from my childhood. I just love him to bits. It was only recently that I recall telling a friend if he didn't notice anything odd about He-Man's intro at the start of each episode. If you do not recall what he says at the beginning of each program here it is.

"I am Adam, Prince of Eternia and defender of the secrets of Castle Grayskull. This is Cringer, my "fearless" friend. Fabulous, secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic sword and said, "By the Power of Grayskull!....I HAVE THE POWER! Only three others share this secret: our friends the Sorceress, Man-at Arms, and Orko. Together we defend Castle Greyskull against the evil forces of Skeletor."

Please click here to watch what he says.

And if that isn't gay enough, Adam is so wearing a blonde applecut, and has never once flirted with Teela. Maybe it was just the era. Maybe they never thought it would catch on that knee-high leather boots laced with fur was going to be so uber fabulous someday. Or that Lady gaga was going to grow up like that.

He-Man possibly would have inspired Lady Gaga growing up anyway. Hearing

Who is one person you couldn't imagine life without? :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3mC4485Ue0Play

Unedited. Unadulterated. Unfazed. Ask your questions now...

Mad It Hurts

So Mad it Hurts

This is not going to be short. I promise.
It will also be my most intimate blog. I'm not promising any entertainment. I just want to speak with someone I can trust at the moment, and my laptop screen looks so inviting, for once.

I have a secret.

I had counseling once for anger management. I was asked to tell the shrink of any time I thpought of hurting myself or other people. I wish I was still going to counseling now. I'd like to tell him i DO.

I have this deep, uncompromising anger that boils down from my veins and consumes me from time to time. It is mind-numbing,

100 chopsticks

When I was living alone in Makati, I didn't have any spoons nor forks. I hated washing the dishes.Living in my parents' house,  I had my fair share of washing the dishes every night since I was 12.

So I bought myself every 2-3 months, a pack of 100 disposable wooden chopsticks. It took me quite some math, that i was going to eat one full meal at home, anyway, as I have an hour's lunch at work, and my colleagues often have breakfast afterwards (I worked during the night shift), except for weekends. That meant a pair of chopsticks for 5 days a week, and twice during the weekends. That's (5 + 2 + 2) x 4 = 36. It took 2 and a half months to consume a full pack of chopsticks. All I needed to worry abput were my pots and pans, and the dishes I used. It was a relief that I didn't have to wash for an entire family. It was the cooking that gave me the most grief, but that's an entirely different story.

So there I was, configuring my life as I want it to be. Disposable chopsticks were my solution to life's unnerving woes. I would have gotten paper plates, but they were too soggy.

Life has its disposable wooden chopsticks, its paper plates, paper cups... They're called online friends. Faceboook is one big supermarket of disposable products. Yahoo Messenger is probably the toilet paper

The Original Fire

Are we ever original? I asked myself after someone has accused me of "stealing his style." A petty thing, really, originality. To be the origin of a thought. The creator, the 'first cause' of an idea. To be the source of electricity for that imaginary light bulb above our heads.

How sure are we that someone, somewhere unrelated to us, totally separated from out existence, has not yet come up with the same thought? how sure are we, that someone, somewhere, from a different time and place, has not been the origin of that same thought?

Originality has been fought after, and intellectual property has since been protected. We are encouraged to copyright, to patent, to certify that we are the first, we are the sole origin of an idea.

But what is originality then? Can we claim to bve sole creator of anything that pops out of our heads, CONSIDERING THERE HAVE BEEN BILLIONS AND BILLIONS of PEOPLE IN THE PLANET, and THAT'S ONLY COUNTING THE LIVING. Who knows what unwritten ideas have sprung out from geniuses who lived way before us?

TaleCraft

Death By Guillotine

They say man has evolved from being blood thirsty individuals. Long since forgotten when people execute other people in public, subjecting their victims to spectacularly humiliating deaths. Gone were the days of crucifixions, impaling, flaying, burning at stakes, circuses, firing squads, hanging, and yes, death by guillotine.

But has man really forgotten his violent past? Has he really changed for the better, throwing away that beastly primordial aspect of his being and truly adhering to the social animal that he is claiming to be?

Everybody Deserves What They Get

We may not know it, but we usually get what we deserve. I personally abhor it when people say, "I don't deserve what I'm getting," and although I myself had been heard giving such a statement, it is simply not true. It might even imply we think too highly of ourselves and become self-righteous. I'll tell you why in a minute.

If you closely consider every single 'cause and effect' that led to a mishap, you will find out that there was one ultimate reason why you deserved something bad. It could be a behavior. It could be preference. I smoke, so if I have respiratory problems or I get severe colds, or even if I become terminally ill because of it, there would not be anyone else to blame.

When someone dies of a vehicular accident, we usually find out the person was drunk, or texting while driving, or was sleeping.

If I weren't getting dates, or if I am rejected over and over because of my weight problem, I usually say, "I have done everything: I go to the gym, I diet, there is food I selectively avoid because they are fattenning;" but I eat 2 full helpings of rice to a deep-fried meal of whatever, and I am to blame. No drug ever created can change it permanently. I will subject myself to addiction to it until it becomes prohibited, and will claim I will gain weight instantly once the miracle drug is gone. Not only is my weight problem the cause of my inability to feel and become attractive, but my stubborness, laziness and one-tracked mind is making me unattractive as well.

Would You Die?

I brought the kids to the mall today and faced that ever-existing dilemma whenever parents bring their children to the mall. The big one is pulling you to the music shop, or the gadget store, or begging you to buy him a new shirts, the little one is worse, she run after the toys they set loose in the store so they can hard-sell the stuff to you when you pick up your little one. Soon, you're debating with both children (yes, teenagers are just large children) that they don't need it right away, or they can't get it today, or we can't afford it yet, etc. They defend themselves that they need it.

Need--- now That's raised one of my very thick, almost conjugated eyebrows. I know that when you want something so badly, you get that feeling... a "need" to have it.

There is a confusion between what you want and what you need these days. Media has made sure you live following a set of rules of want. It has dictated what we want and turned it into a need.
We have television to blame. the cheapest form of entertainment has indeed turned it viewers into my chaepest form of entertainment--- free subjects for observation. How many ads of beautiful rosy white-skinned women with bodies to die fo have killed the true idea of beauty among women? How many men with bronzed skin and rock-tight abs have made women so sure that those were the guys to die for? How many credit card and loan ads have made us feel too inadequate we couldn't get them with merely our own earnings?

These are wants--- you've lived without them, some of our forefathers may not have had them, but we live. Media is changing them into needs.

Furthermore, it makes us feel bad. It makes us feel bad we don't have rosy white skin. It makes us feel bad we're not zero-fat. It makles us feel bad we do not have a house in the highlands. It makes us feel bad we cannot afford the latest gadget or the best car.

And it's not only consumer goods, people. Media is also the shows we watch on Television. We feel bad that we don't have a relationship. We look for romance and fail. We base our real life relationships with those characters we see in the soaps. We make believe we live the lives of these fictional heroes and anti-heroes.

Although true, we are the heroes of our own stories. Our lives can be stuff movies are made of. But people, not everybody's life consists on just one plot, one with a beginniing, a plot, a climax and a denouement. Live is a series of climaxes and catharrhses, a multitude of colors, characters and subplots. We are not one dimensional, two dimensional characters; WE ARE MULTI-FACETED, UNIQUE INDIVIDUALS, and none of us are to be tied up to an archetype.

I bring you back to the main concern of the matter; Is what we want,necessarily what we need? Are you confused with what you want?

Here is the solution:

When you want something badly that you claim that you need it, and it hurts that you don't have it, try closing your eyes. Ask this simple question: "Will I physically die, fall ill or become seriously hurt if I don't get it?"
If your answer is no... Then, that is a WANT that somehow you have believed to be a NEED. That is technically a LIE you've created for yourself.

Harsh, I know, to label what you falsely believe in as a LIE, but that is what it technically is, peeling off all its dainty tassels and its delicate trimmings. That is what it is in all its nakedness and raw appearance.
If you don't need it, you will not die if you can't have it.

Not everything you want is everything you need.