Of Super Villains, Closet Queens and Chocolate Vodka

Yesterday I celebrated my 4th anniversary since my ex broke up with me. (the gory details have been the history of this blog, so I'll spare you the melodrama) Anyway, I decided I should CELEBRATE, instead of sulk.

You see, before that last break up, I was this naive, innocent, sweet little creature before the waaves of toruture and treachery killed me. Now, I do have reason to celebrate. I am stronger, wiser, and several times more vile than ever before. It's so good to be baaaad.

I LOVE being bad. Being "BAD" isn't necessarily a bad thing, really.

It's LIBERATION. It's Being free, being WHOM YOU REALLY ARE, AND NOT AFRAID of SPEAKING YOUR MIND. It is sexual liberation. It is BLISS. It is Catharrtic and pure. It is the bursting of little pinpoints of light in the darkness. It is creation and destruction.

Patay na si Tenteng.

Napagmasdan mo na ba ang buwan mula sa ilalim ng swimming pool? Yung sumisid ka sa sahig ng pool at pinagmasdan mo lang ang buwan sa ilalim ng tubig?

Yun ang pakiramdam ko kanina nang dumating ako ng Meycauayan mula sa akin malayong biyahe mula Makati. Pag uwi ko ng bahay, bukas ang ilaw, kahit alas nueve na ng gabi. Nakalugmok sa may hapag kainan angkapatid ko... Lasing. Hindi bago sa paningin ko na lasing ang kapatid ko, pero ang bago ay ang pwesto niya.

Sa veranda sila ni Tenteng umiinom palagi. Halos araw araw ko nasasalubong silang lango sa may pinto namin. Madalas iwasan ng kapatid ko na makipag inuman sa kanya, kasi nga naman, hindi sila tumitigil hanggat hindi

Highway Robbery

Araw-araw may nakawa'ng nangyayari sa EDSA. Hindi ninyo nalalaman ito, maaaring bale-wala sa iyo, pero napapansin ito ng tulad ko na ang biyahe ay mula Ayala hanggang Malanday. Tatlong oras na biyahe na maaari namang maging 2 o isa't kalahati... Ipapakita ko sa inyo kung bakit nakaririmarim ang mga ilang Bus operators. Para siyang sindikato.

Exhibit A: Ang Bus na Fully Loaded.

Masdan ninyo na ang mga bus ng ilang bus companies, tinanggal ang mga orihinal na upuan at dinagdagan ang mga ito. Sakto'ng sakto lamang ang haba ng binti ninyo mula sa sandalan hanggang sa tumama ang tuhod ninyo sa susunod na upuan sa harapan ninyo. Sa ganito'ng paraan, mas maraming tao ang makakasakay sa bus. Mas marami'ng pasahero, mas maraming pera.

Ang isle ng bus ay masikip, pero kahit marami nang nakaupo at puno na at siksikan ang mga silya, ay nagpapapasok pa rin sila ng tao hanggang ang munting isle ay mapuno. Pansinin ninyo'ng bihasa ang konduktor sa pagpupuwesto sa inyo,

Botelya Galore

Hindi ako  "in character," atche.  Nakainom ako at hindi naman lasing na lasing. Enough lang para makapanghipo ako ng isang nakatabi ko at sapat lang para ihinto ko doon. Tipsy enough para payagan ang kalat sa loob ng kuwarto ko pero sapat lamang para magligpit din pagkatapos.

Oo, at derecho pa din ako mag-type. Nasa ulirat pa ang aking utak at alam ko ang nangyayari at sinasabi ko. Alam ko'ng kapag may ginawa ako ngayong gabi  na ikatutuwa ko ay maaari kong ikalungkot kinabukasan. Hindi ako tanga at lalong hindi ako bobo.

Kaya lang, merong mga tao'ng kahit hindi nakainom ay gumagawa ng kahihiyan.

Iba iba ang mga tao pag nakakainom. May umiiyak. May kumakawala. May nahohorny. Ako,

MEDUSA. Makuha ka sa Tingin.

Marami ang hindi maintindihan kung bakit ko madalas iguhit ang gorgon na kung tawagin ay Medusa. Aaminin ko, paborito ko siyang tauhan sa Greek Mythology. Hindi ko trip si Hercules, nauutakan siya at nauuto. Ayoko kay Perseus, hindi naman niya mapapatay si Medusa kung hindi siya anak ni Zeus. Ayoko kay Zeus, kasi babaero siya, at meron pang isang beses na lalaki ang chinorva niya. OO. i-google mo si Zeus at Ganymede. (Oo, kahit ang macho'ng macho na papa ng mga Greek gods, chumorva ng sausage.)

Supermodel Natalia Vodianova as Medusa

Si Medusa, hindi na kailangan ng lakas o kidlat, at kahit pa ang buhok niya na puro ahas, hindi rin niya kailangan para pumatay ng tao. Isa lang ang gagawin niya... Kukunin ka lang niya sa tingin.

Thank You. YOU'RE A BUNCH OF INSENSITIVE FREAKS

Who the hell would comfort you with words like "Pathetic, Impossible, and  Walang  ka nang magagawa?"

May post dati si Kulas Kupaloid na "I want to disappear." Maraming nagcomment. Sari-saring bulaklak ang naialay. Mga comment na, "May maitutulong ba ako?" "Maganda ang buhay. Tara, pag usapan natin iyan." "I want to be your friend."

Naniniwala na ako sa pamahiin: Suot mo ang
singsing ko bago tayo nag away.

Pero pag ako ang nag post ng similar status, I would get "Wala tayo'ng magagawa" "Napaka nega mo," "You're impossible."

Samantalang pag may taong may problema, nakikinig naman ako. Ibinibigay ko sa kanila yung "Tara, pag usapan natin iyan." "May maitutulong ba ako?" At itong si Kulas Kupaloid, miminsan ko lang nahingahan ng problema, "Mag YM ka, wag mo sa FB ilabas yan."

Totoo Ba Yan, Lloydie?

Ang totoo, Mr. John Lloyd Cruz, iniiwan tayo ng mga mahal natin sa buhay kasi nagsasawa sila, o naiirita sila, kasi hindi nila tayo kasing-mahal ng gaya ng pagmamahal na binibigay natin sa kanila. Conditional kasi, e. Matalino ka kaya ka niya gusto kasama, pero naiirita siya sa ngipin mo.

Akala niya sunud-sunuran ka sa mga gusto niya. Kahit may Asperger's syndrome siya o Autistic siya, o may ADHD, o diagnosed na Bipolar siya, susundin mo. Pero the SINGLE MOMENT na sagutin mo siya, paparinggan ka sa mga statuses niya sa FB at gagawing encrypted message sa Blogger.

Apat na taon na akong naghihintay sa "Mas magandang darating na iyan at hindi totoo yan.

Pag dumating, babawiin ko ang sinabi ko, pero right now, eto lang ang masasabi ko: Amargura.

Mu-Ang

Noong panahon ng mga Babaylan at mga Datu, nang ang langit at lupa ay magkaibigan pa, nang ang mga espiritu sa ng tubig, hangin at ng kakahuyan ay tumutulong pa sa mga tao, may isang diyamante na kung tawangin nila ay Mu-Ang. Ito ay pinangangalagaan ng Babaylang si Dayon, ang babaylan ng apoy.

Ang Mu-Ang ay kulay itim sa liwanag at nangniningning na luntian sa kadiliman. Sa liwanag, ito ay kasing lamig ng niyebe, at sa kadiliman nama'y sing init ng nangniningas na baga. Marami na ang nagtangkang makuha ang sikreto ng Mu-Ang, Ngunit ito ay nakatago sa puso ng kagubatan, isinilid sa isang mahiwagang yungib na kung tawagin ay ang Yungib ng Kamunduhan.

Sa loob ng yungib na ito, walang nakakaligtas sa lahat ng uri ng kasalanan. Ayon sa matandang paniniwala, ang sinumang pumasok sa Yungib ng Kamunduhan ay mamamatay. Bawal ipasok sa yungib ang hindi binasbasan ni Babaylan Dayon, at ang makapapasok lamang dito ay ang may busilak na kalooban na hindi magugupo ng Pitong Makamundong Kasalanan (7 Deadly Sins), Poot, Inggit, Libog, Katamaran, Kasakiman, Kapalaluan at Katakawan. Snasabing isa-isa kang aatakihin ng mga pagnanasang ito hanggang ikamatay mo, bago ka pa mandin makarating sa silid ng Mu-Ang.

This clip is lovingly dedicated to Lukas Pascual

My Drawings Kept Me Sane

What else would you do? The last person you trusted played mind games on you, talked on your back and threw countless hurtful words? No friends, stressful home, stressful work... I have my pen, markers and charcoals to provide me the freedom of expression I needed. I was drawing since I was 3.

Where else would I have gone to?

Here, in my own personally crafted universe. No iPhones, no iPads, no Macbooks. No callers. No fat bipolar mind-playing boys who claim they are helpless but uses you as pawn...

Away from you! I will begin with a line from top to bottom...

I am a Comic Book Geek And I Only Realized Just Right Now.

There are absolutely two things I MUST NOT FORGET to write in my profile page when asked of me: One, my favorite writer is Alan Moore, and that I am absolutely addicted to Gengoroh Tagame's artworks. I never really realized it but my favorite films, my taste in lovers... They were all part of this fanaticism I have with these people... And they never really had credit for it. Like, I would, (and most of you would say this as well) try not to be to elitist, too intellectually-sounding (and downright snobbish and unreachable) when I te;ll you these names that the common person will not recognize.

WHO IS ALAN MOORE? My God, you're not one to care who entertains you, are you?

Watchmen. V for Vendetta, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen... Do THEY ring a bell?

This man is absolute eccentricity. He looks like Potemkin and he practices magic,

Daddy Dearest

My Father and I had never gotten along very well while he was alive.

I had always either wanted to be an artist, an advertiser, or a writer. He declined me in every single one of those dreams. You see, he had dreams for me as well. But it was different from mine. I wanted color in my life, he wanted me to become dull and stable.

Every single cell in my body twitched with defiance whenever he gave me a lecture about the practicality of life. The only thing that bonded us was Photography, and even there, we argued. He disliked my still life pictures. He gave me his old SLR when I was 12. I took pictures immediately. We didn't have digital cameras back then. everythiing was film. It was expensive, and every shot was a gamble.

I remember taking pictures of spiders, whilst they were weaving their intricate little homes. I was one just glistening in dew, and the spider was sleeping right in the enter of it. The morning sun was giving it the most exquisite glimmering effect on each bead of dew on the web, and the spider was a little ball of grey in the center of it. I took my picture.

Of ourse, he was furious, and threatened to take the camera away from me."There have to be people in the pictures," he argued, "They have to be looking, they have to be smiling, they have to be in the center of the pictures. I of course,

The Big Bang

It is a widely known fact that I know how to blow a fuse the magnitude of the Big Bang.

It is also an accepted form of behavior to clear away from the crossfire of two firing guns. One alone can kill you; two, will make sure you don't survive. In the past couple of months the absolute selective silence of a certain non-persona (Yimmach Shemo Vezikhro) drove me insanely furious. I have realized, no one really pays attention, until something is clearly blown out of proportion. We don't realize it's actually an earthquake until we realize the fat girl from the office didn't report to work that day, and the building is actually going down.

We don't get up unless the alarm is going (and even that, we ignore) or the stew you were cooking in the kitchen is burnt to a crisp until there is smoke in the house. We

Amazing Things

I have seen amazing things.

This was the thought racing in my mind as I watched a thunderstorm just outside my house, by the gates. I marvelled at the lightshow produced by the bouncing of electrons in the sky. Massive bolts of lightning racing between clouds of dark grey, illuminating a starless, midnight-blue canvass. Each dance of light, revealing the once invisible puffs of clouds, too massive, it surprised you that you did not see them.

In the same spot, some twenty-something years ago, I witnessed an even more amazing thing.

One rainy afternoon, I was 10 or 12, I was watching the thunderstorm as I was tonight, when a bolt of lightning hit the ground 3 meters away from me. It was the most magnificent bomb I have ever felt. My hair literally stood on end, as the impact blew a gust of warm wind and debris against me. The light was blinding, I could hardly see anything after it left a crater half a foot wide and a few inches deep.

Master of the Universe.

He-Man is just about the gayest 80's superhero I could remember from my childhood. I just love him to bits. It was only recently that I recall telling a friend if he didn't notice anything odd about He-Man's intro at the start of each episode. If you do not recall what he says at the beginning of each program here it is.

"I am Adam, Prince of Eternia and defender of the secrets of Castle Grayskull. This is Cringer, my "fearless" friend. Fabulous, secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic sword and said, "By the Power of Grayskull!....I HAVE THE POWER! Only three others share this secret: our friends the Sorceress, Man-at Arms, and Orko. Together we defend Castle Greyskull against the evil forces of Skeletor."

Please click here to watch what he says.

And if that isn't gay enough, Adam is so wearing a blonde applecut, and has never once flirted with Teela. Maybe it was just the era. Maybe they never thought it would catch on that knee-high leather boots laced with fur was going to be so uber fabulous someday. Or that Lady gaga was going to grow up like that.

He-Man possibly would have inspired Lady Gaga growing up anyway. Hearing

Who is one person you couldn't imagine life without? :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3mC4485Ue0Play

Unedited. Unadulterated. Unfazed. Ask your questions now...

Mad It Hurts

So Mad it Hurts

This is not going to be short. I promise.
It will also be my most intimate blog. I'm not promising any entertainment. I just want to speak with someone I can trust at the moment, and my laptop screen looks so inviting, for once.

I have a secret.

I had counseling once for anger management. I was asked to tell the shrink of any time I thpought of hurting myself or other people. I wish I was still going to counseling now. I'd like to tell him i DO.

I have this deep, uncompromising anger that boils down from my veins and consumes me from time to time. It is mind-numbing,

100 chopsticks

When I was living alone in Makati, I didn't have any spoons nor forks. I hated washing the dishes.Living in my parents' house,  I had my fair share of washing the dishes every night since I was 12.

So I bought myself every 2-3 months, a pack of 100 disposable wooden chopsticks. It took me quite some math, that i was going to eat one full meal at home, anyway, as I have an hour's lunch at work, and my colleagues often have breakfast afterwards (I worked during the night shift), except for weekends. That meant a pair of chopsticks for 5 days a week, and twice during the weekends. That's (5 + 2 + 2) x 4 = 36. It took 2 and a half months to consume a full pack of chopsticks. All I needed to worry abput were my pots and pans, and the dishes I used. It was a relief that I didn't have to wash for an entire family. It was the cooking that gave me the most grief, but that's an entirely different story.

So there I was, configuring my life as I want it to be. Disposable chopsticks were my solution to life's unnerving woes. I would have gotten paper plates, but they were too soggy.

Life has its disposable wooden chopsticks, its paper plates, paper cups... They're called online friends. Faceboook is one big supermarket of disposable products. Yahoo Messenger is probably the toilet paper