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Monday, May 31, 2010

Mad It Hurts

So Mad it Hurts

This is not going to be short. I promise.
It will also be my most intimate blog. I'm not promising any entertainment. I just want to speak with someone I can trust at the moment, and my laptop screen looks so inviting, for once.

I have a secret.

I had counseling once for anger management. I was asked to tell the shrink of any time I thpought of hurting myself or other people. I wish I was still going to counseling now. I'd like to tell him i DO.

I have this deep, uncompromising anger that boils down from my veins and consumes me from time to time. It is mind-numbing,

Sunday, May 30, 2010

100 chopsticks

When I was living alone in Makati, I didn't have any spoons nor forks. I hated washing the dishes.Living in my parents' house,  I had my fair share of washing the dishes every night since I was 12.



So I bought myself every 2-3 months, a pack of 100 disposable wooden chopsticks. It took me quite some math, that i was going to eat one full meal at home, anyway, as I have an hour's lunch at work, and my colleagues often have breakfast afterwards (I worked during the night shift), except for weekends. That meant a pair of chopsticks for 5 days a week, and twice during the weekends. That's (5 + 2 + 2) x 4 = 36. It took 2 and a half months to consume a full pack of chopsticks. All I needed to worry abput were my pots and pans, and the dishes I used. It was a relief that I didn't have to wash for an entire family. It was the cooking that gave me the most grief, but that's an entirely different story.

So there I was, configuring my life as I want it to be. Disposable chopsticks were my solution to life's unnerving woes. I would have gotten paper plates, but they were too soggy.

Life has its disposable wooden chopsticks, its paper plates, paper cups... They're called online friends. Faceboook is one big supermarket of disposable products. Yahoo Messenger is probably the toilet paper

The Original Fire


Are we ever original? I asked myself after someone has accused me of "stealing his style." A petty thing, really, originality. To be the origin of a thought. The creator, the 'first cause' of an idea. To be the source of electricity for that imaginary light bulb above our heads.

How sure are we that someone, somewhere unrelated to us, totally separated from out existence, has not yet come up with the same thought? how sure are we, that someone, somewhere, from a different time and place, has not been the origin of that same thought?

Originality has been fought after, and intellectual property has since been protected. We are encouraged to copyright, to patent, to certify that we are the first, we are the sole origin of an idea.

But what is originality then? Can we claim to bve sole creator of anything that pops out of our heads, CONSIDERING THERE HAVE BEEN BILLIONS AND BILLIONS of PEOPLE IN THE PLANET, and THAT'S ONLY COUNTING THE LIVING. Who knows what unwritten ideas have sprung out from geniuses who lived way before us?

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Death By Guillotine

They say man has evolved from being blood thirsty individuals. Long since forgotten when people execute other people in public, subjecting their victims to spectacularly humiliating deaths. Gone were the days of crucifixions, impaling, flaying, burning at stakes, circuses, firing squads, hanging, and yes, death by guillotine.



But has man really forgotten his violent past? Has he really changed for the better, throwing away that beastly primordial aspect of his being and truly adhering to the social animal that he is claiming to be?

Monday, May 17, 2010

Everybody Deserves What They Get

We may not know it, but we usually get what we deserve. I personally abhor it when people say, "I don't deserve what I'm getting," and although I myself had been heard giving such a statement, it is simply not true. It might even imply we think too highly of ourselves and become self-righteous. I'll tell you why in a minute.



If you closely consider every single 'cause and effect' that led to a mishap, you will find out that there was one ultimate reason why you deserved something bad. It could be a behavior. It could be preference. I smoke, so if I have respiratory problems or I get severe colds, or even if I become terminally ill because of it, there would not be anyone else to blame.

When someone dies of a vehicular accident, we usually find out the person was drunk, or texting while driving, or was sleeping.

If I weren't getting dates, or if I am rejected over and over because of my weight problem, I usually say, "I have done everything: I go to the gym, I diet, there is food I selectively avoid because they are fattenning;" but I eat 2 full helpings of rice to a deep-fried meal of whatever, and I am to blame. No drug ever created can change it permanently. I will subject myself to addiction to it until it becomes prohibited, and will claim I will gain weight instantly once the miracle drug is gone. Not only is my weight problem the cause of my inability to feel and become attractive, but my stubborness, laziness and one-tracked mind is making me unattractive as well.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Would You Die?

I brought the kids to the mall today and faced that ever-existing dilemma whenever parents bring their children to the mall. The big one is pulling you to the music shop, or the gadget store, or begging you to buy him a new shirts, the little one is worse, she run after the toys they set loose in the store so they can hard-sell the stuff to you when you pick up your little one. Soon, you're debating with both children (yes, teenagers are just large children) that they don't need it right away, or they can't get it today, or we can't afford it yet, etc. They defend themselves that they need it.



Need--- now That's raised one of my very thick, almost conjugated eyebrows. I know that when you want something so badly, you get that feeling... a "need" to have it.

There is a confusion between what you want and what you need these days. Media has made sure you live following a set of rules of want. It has dictated what we want and turned it into a need.
We have television to blame. the cheapest form of entertainment has indeed turned it viewers into my chaepest form of entertainment--- free subjects for observation. How many ads of beautiful rosy white-skinned women with bodies to die fo have killed the true idea of beauty among women? How many men with bronzed skin and rock-tight abs have made women so sure that those were the guys to die for? How many credit card and loan ads have made us feel too inadequate we couldn't get them with merely our own earnings?

These are wants--- you've lived without them, some of our forefathers may not have had them, but we live. Media is changing them into needs.

Furthermore, it makes us feel bad. It makes us feel bad we don't have rosy white skin. It makes us feel bad we're not zero-fat. It makles us feel bad we do not have a house in the highlands. It makes us feel bad we cannot afford the latest gadget or the best car.

And it's not only consumer goods, people. Media is also the shows we watch on Television. We feel bad that we don't have a relationship. We look for romance and fail. We base our real life relationships with those characters we see in the soaps. We make believe we live the lives of these fictional heroes and anti-heroes.

Although true, we are the heroes of our own stories. Our lives can be stuff movies are made of. But people, not everybody's life consists on just one plot, one with a beginniing, a plot, a climax and a denouement. Live is a series of climaxes and catharrhses, a multitude of colors, characters and subplots. We are not one dimensional, two dimensional characters; WE ARE MULTI-FACETED, UNIQUE INDIVIDUALS, and none of us are to be tied up to an archetype.

I bring you back to the main concern of the matter; Is what we want,necessarily what we need? Are you confused with what you want?



Here is the solution:

When you want something badly that you claim that you need it, and it hurts that you don't have it, try closing your eyes. Ask this simple question: "Will I physically die, fall ill or become seriously hurt if I don't get it?"
If your answer is no... Then, that is a WANT that somehow you have believed to be a NEED. That is technically a LIE you've created for yourself.

Harsh, I know, to label what you falsely believe in as a LIE, but that is what it technically is, peeling off all its dainty tassels and its delicate trimmings. That is what it is in all its nakedness and raw appearance.
If you don't need it, you will not die if you can't have it.

Not everything you want is everything you need.
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